One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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