Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
