ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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