i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
