I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
