she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
