every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize