I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
