yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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