How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
