Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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