the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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