Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize