just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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