You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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