Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
