Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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