Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
