remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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