that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
