Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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