I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
