I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
