We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She even gives head with a lisp.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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