Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
