I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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