Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
