I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
