Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
