I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
