Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
