She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize