eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
