It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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