my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
