ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
