Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
