Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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