Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
