I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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