I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
