She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
