absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
