I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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