Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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