dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize