so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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