Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
