If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
