Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
