Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
