No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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