why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
