She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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