Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
