I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
