That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
