i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
