bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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