frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
