you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
