Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
