How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
