But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
