I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
