College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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