ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
