he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
