The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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