i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
