I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
