Pappa wants mamma naked
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Text me some of your sweat
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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