and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
