i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
