Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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