She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
