Umm I'm too high to move.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
