guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
