I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
