my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need moral support for this bender
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
