I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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