I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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