If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
