I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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