I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
