can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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