Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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