What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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