I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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