he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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