He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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