and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
