She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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